|| PENSIVES AND MIRRORS ||
I think the first set of memories I would place into the pensive would be from my childhood. As I've gotten older, it's been harder to remember certain things. For example, I think my earliest memories are from pre-school and that's really just one memory I'm thinking of; anything else has been something I've sort of "remembered" by watching family videos or looking at pictures from when I was young. There are other things that I never would have thought to make note about remembering, such as when I wrote my very first story or script that I used to write. Now, I can only make a guess and say I was in at least fourth grade, maybe third. I would really love to know when it was I started to read, when it was I wrote my first story, when I was able to pick up a pencil...my parents didn't make note of any of those things and don't remember, which saddens me, but now I'm determined to make sure I do it with any kids I have in the future.
I'd specifically place memories of myself and my sister, and myself and my parents, even if it's just something simple like going to the grocery store. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and I see all of these parents who bring their kids grocery shopping and end up buying them toys and candy, and I look at them and think..."...geeze, did I ever get to do that?" Because I don't remember it. I would also place memories of my grandfather into the pensive. For the majority of my childhood he lived in Florida, but I can remember the times when he'd drive up for the summer and would surprise us. I vaguely remember him parking his car behind a huge pine tree that we have in our yard and then coming out and surprising us. I also vaguely remember him coming over so that there would be someone there after school, and helping me with my homework and taking me to McDonald's. I'd put the memories I have of him before his last few weeks when his health started to get worse in along with the memories from a few years ago, before he got the tumor that grew on his cheek and was basically the beginning of his health going downward. I think I would definitely also include the memory of his funeral, too, where I not only wrote the eulogy but read it as well. I remember bits and pieces of it now, but it's something that I wish I could have had on camera so that I could really have it to look back on.
I'd also put in memories of the few friends that I've had through out the years. While they haven't always been the best and haven't treated me in the most kind ways (oh the stories I could tell, especially of recent times) and most of them haven't stuck around to be true friends, I have had good times with most of them. I would put in the good memories so that whenever I got frustrated thinking about the bad memories, I'd have the good ones to look back and remind myself that yes, these people can be good friends to me.
Probably the ones with my friends, specifically my friend Laura, just to look back on the good times and smile. Since July she hasn't been a great friend to me and it's become clear that her priorities have changed. She's in nursing school, and that's not a problem- I'm happy for her and I'd rather see her move on and accomplish something like go to nursing school than be stuck in a rut of not knowing what to do with her life (like me). She's been dating a guy since July who has been nothing but a jerk to me (and to her) and because I'm getting fed up and to the point where I can't deal with it emotionally any more, I'm preparing myself to really, finally, break my friendship with her. It's become ridiculously clear it is that she doesn't value our friendship as much as she once said or as much as I do.
I would put in the memories of the good times we've had together, laughing, singing, making jokes, watching movies, and just hanging out. The two big memories I would definitely put in would be of July 4th, 2009, when I went and picked her up from her house and had her sleep over because her father and brother got really drunk and she needed to get out of the house, and of only a few weeks later when she was at my house after sleeping over the morning my car and house were hit by a newspaper delivery guy who fell asleep. She was there when something that could have been so much worse happened, and I am so thankful that she was there to just calm me down until my mother could get there.
I'm not quite sure. I don't have one specific goal at the moment, really. Right now I really just want to be able to graduate from college and get it over with. There's a long frustrating story behind it, but right now I'm stuck unable to graduate because of a math class. So I suppose the accomplishment I want to make in the short term (at least for the next few years) is to graduate and find a decent job I can stick with.
Long term? It would be nice to do one of two things, or hopefully even both. My dream is to become a published author, and finally see my name as the author of a novel. So I would like to be able to find a steady job that would allow me to spend a good amount of time writing, so that maybe I could focus enough to actually finish a manuscript to get published. Another goal is to have my own family. I love kids, and I could see myself being a mother and wife, it's just a matter of finding the right person. Another short term goal is to get out of living in my parent's houses. They're divorced, and I can't afford an apartment on my own with the job I have, so I'm forced to live with one or the other (right now I live with my mom.
In relation to the above question, hopefully as a published author with a husband and one or two kids. Seeing as how I'll be thirty-four by that point, I would really like to do that by then, but I'm not completely certain that it will.
This is a tough one. What I'm afraid of seeing is a thirty-something-year-old who's stuck in the same rut she is at twenty-four years old, living with her parents and working at a minimum wage job without a college degree, seeming to have no chance of starting her own family. What I would like to see, though, is myself surrounded by my friends and family with a book in my hand that has my name on it. I've never wanted anything more than to be a published author and to see others enjoying the ideas that come from my mind through written words, or to have my family standing at my side and truly being supportive of my writing.
|| CHOICES SHOW WHAT WE TRULY ARE ||
A bit of both, actually. In real life, I'm definitely more of a follower. I'm not used to taking charge and being someone that other people look to as authority figures, whether it's for a job or a club or whatever. The few times I've been in groups of friends, I usually end up being more of a listener and follower than a talker and leader. For school group projects, more often than not I have ended up being a follower (which isn't always a good thing if the other people end up slacking off).
However, online I have found it very easy to be a leader, because others are just talking to someone on a computer screen. I have run numerous role plays over the last several years and been the administrator, as well as started message boards for writers. I've also started numerous communities on Livejournal. I've found that it's very easy to place myself into a leadership role and have others look to me for instructions or whatever the situation may be, but at times it can also be frustrating and draining because of certain situations (i.e. other staff members that you continuously butt heads with). Over the years I've often laughed because of other people being so surprised that in real life I am shy and quiet but online I seem outgoing and talkative. It's easy to do something like that because you're not physically in a social situation where you have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing (at least, most of the time you don't have to worry about it).
I would use it to go back in time and observe some of the events that have been life changing for me, or things that I've done and I regret. For example, I 100% regret not applying to any other college besides the community college I applied to, and not even considering trying to go to a four year school. Though my father, at least, believes otherwise, I truly believe that if I had gone to a four year college like anyone else, I would have learned to become more independent and would not be stuck at a minimum wage job while living with my parents. I would have struggled through certain classes, such as math, but I believe that if I had been able to go off to college and live on my own, things would be different for me. Maybe I would still have the minimum wage job, but I would be at a point where I would be independent enough to be able to live on my own. I would do something to stop myself from just applying to that school and just settling for it, because I would know that my doing so has gotten me stuck in a rut and unable to graduate when I should have graduated in 2008.
For my own fun, I would also use it to go back to certain events in history, or to meet certain people that are no longer living, such as my grandmothers (who both died before I was born- one died when my mother was sixteen, the other died when my sister was only a few years old) or certain celebrities such as Judy Garland. I would tell her that she is truly an amazing actress and that it's truly a shame that she ended her life the way she did.
Creative- for as long as I can remember, one of the strongest traits that I've been able to really use has been my creativity. Whether it's with the written word or just through some sort of conversation, my creativity isn't something that I bury deep down and I would never dream of just no longer allowing myself to be creative.
Loyal I am extremely loyal to my friends and family, and I think that's what makes it so hard for me to be able to cut off a friendship with someone that I wish I could stay friends with. Every time she says something or lets something happen involving her boyfriend, my friend Laura always tells me something she thinks I'll be satisfied with and will just be like "okay, I forgive you!" At first it was like this and I was willing to forgive her, but as time as gone on and his actions have gotten worse (such as sending sexually harassing text messages) it's become harder and harder to forgive and forget. I want to be her friend but I can't as long as she allows this to happen.
Friendly I've found that I'm really friendly to others, and very rarely will I just outright refuse to be friends with someone if they're trying to be friends with me without knowing them first.
Intelligent My intelligence is definitely one of my strongest traits. While it definitely lacks in certain areas (mathematics), it is something I'm very proud of and I try not to let it go to waste.
Kind I'm a very kind, gentle person. I think one of the reasons kids and animals love me so much is because of how kind, gentle, and patient I am with them.
Shy Sometimes, I'm too shy for my own good. For example, if I were more outgoing, I think that I would find it easier to have the courage to ask someone out on a date and maybe even have a boyfriend.
Loyal I'm including this as a bad trait as well. As stated above, sometimes my loyalty reaches too far and I find that it's not being returned. Sometimes, my loyalty goes out to someone who truly no longer deserves it, but because of wanting to hold onto whatever there is left of our friendship, I'll try to keep it going longer.
Intimidated As I say below, I get intimidated in certain situations when to others (such as my father) there's no reason for it. This is a huge weakness of mine.
Sensitive I can get really sensitive about things, especially things that hit close to home. For example, I've been in special education for most of my school life, and I hate it. I get really sensitive about certain things with school, like the fact that I can't graduate without a math class but I've tried numerous times to pass the same class and haven't gotten a passing grade according to the standards of the schools I've been to. I also get really sensitive when dealing with my friends, especially when the boyfriend of my friend Laura is sending me texts that really hurt ("Laura doesn't want to be friends with you" sort of things and much worse) and I find that it's hard to tell whether or not he's telling the truth.
No back bone (in certain situations) I couldn't think of another way to put this. There have been numerous situations through out my life where I've just let other people step on me, whether it's bullies in school or even my own bosses. I have a boss that I find so ridiculously intimidating that I can't even bring myself to ask her about getting health insurance through the company. The thought of having to talk to her is awful and I try to avoid doing so at all costs. The other night I was in a situation at work where the same boss basically made me feel like shit because of a situation out of my control (I basically had to give really short notice that I couldn't come into work the next day because I had no car for doing so- my parents were both working (...or at least one of them was, but that's a separate part of the story) and my car was being fixed), and it was like she either didn't bother to listen to the situation or just didn't care, and so she reprimanded me (through someone else, thankfully, and even then it wasn't...HORRIBLE) and made me feel bad because of the situation I had to put them in by saying I couldn't come to work. I didn't speak to my boss at ALL that night, and I know that anyone else would have actually gone to her directly and spoken to her about the situation. But because I'm intimidated by her, I have no back bone and don't know how to stand up for myself in that sort of situation.
|| WE MUST UNITE INSIDE HER, OR WE'LL CRUMBLE FROM WITHIN ||
I believe I'd be friends with Harry, Hermione and Ron, definitely, or at least people like them. I'd probably get along with Harry and Hermione the most and argue a lot with Ron. Hermione and Harry are brave and intelligent, and I would find it very easy to be friends with them and any others who are part of Dumbledore's Army. I could definitely see myself being friends with Cedric, though not close like I would be with Harry and Hermione, probably. I think Luna would be fun to have as a friend as well. If I were to be at Hogwarts during James, Lily and Sirius's time, I could totally see myself being friends with them and probably having a crush on Sirius while looking to James like an older brother.
I 100% believe that it would be a cat, or pretty much any feline (such as a tiger). I think I would be most likely to choose a white Bengal tiger, even over a domestic cat, whom I've always loved and have easily called my favorite animal. Cats are strong, intelligent creatures, and they are very protective of their families. While my intelligence sort of "dominates" my protectiveness of my family, I am very loyal to friends and family and will do whatever I can to protect them. Felines are also sociable creatures, but they also like their independence. With me, I do enjoy being with friends and family, but it doesn't bother me if I'm in my room sitting at my computer with no one else around to bother me. It allows me to think and just to enjoy not being interrupted. It's also a good time for working on whatever I'm writing at the time.
I have, but I've only read each one of them once. :| The one I remember enjoying the most, though, is Order of the Phoenix. I think it's the best of the seven books because it's the first real battle that Harry and the other wizards really get to have. I really enjoyed this book because it allowed the reader to see into Sirius's past and find out more about his family, and it also lets the reader see into Snape's past. I also enjoyed the book because of the loyalty that was shown to Dumbledore by Harry and everyone else starting Dumbledore's Army under Umbridge's nose. I hate that Sirius was killed in that book, especially the way he was killed, but I could easily say that it's my favorite of the seven books.
This was really tough. I haven't read each of the books in several years, so I honestly don't remember most of the quotes (and don't have them with me to even look them up >.>). But, one of the quotes that's always stuck out to me (and is actually in both the movie and book is) "Books! And cleverness! There are more important things--friendship and bravery and--oh Harry--be careful!" which is said by Hermione. While I do believe it's important to be well read (since reading broadens your vocabulary), I also believe that friendship is just important. Through out my entire school life, I've never had that many friends, especially true friends that have really stuck by me. There's always been something that's happened that has brought us apart, whether it's them moving away or finding that we no longer have anything in common, or placing a guy before their friends. Despite this, I don't think I could survive without having friends, whether it's online or in real life. I think what has really helped me get through a lot of the big events in my life- my parents getting divorced, animals dying, my grandfather dying- has been having friends both online and offline. A lot of the time I've felt that my online friends have been better friends to me than my real life ones.